Embracing Intentionality in the New Year

Summary

Happy New Year! In this episode, Bishop DeDe and Adam discuss the ideas of intentionality, forgiveness, and self-compassion as we enter a new year. Their conversation emphasizes the importance of setting realistic intentions rather than resolutions, and to prioritize faith and well-being. The conversation also touches on finding welcoming church communities, the practice of reconciliation, and the significance of being gentle with oneself in the face of challenges. Bishop DeDe invites listeners to engage in meaningful conversations about their intentions for the year ahead.

Takeaways

• Intentionality is more important than resolutions.
• Forgiveness starts with being compassionate to ourselves.
• Setting small, achievable goals can lead to meaningful change.
• We need to prioritize our faith before other responsibilities.
• Engaging with others can help us maintain our intentions.
• Self-forgiveness is crucial when we fall short of our goals.
• Finding a welcoming church community is essential for spiritual growth.
• Reconciliation practices exist in the Episcopal Church.
• Being gentle with ourselves is a key to starting the new year.
• Trying something new can help us grow and feel accomplished.

Chapters

00:00 New Beginnings and Intentionality
07:10 Forgiveness and Self-Compassion
12:52 Finding a Welcoming Church
16:40 Reconciliation and Repentance
19:04 Setting Attainable Intentions

AI Disclosure: To support our staff in their limited time, many of our episode summaries are first generated by AI and then edited by the Communications Director to accurately reflect and preview our podcast episodes.

Transcript

Bishop DeDe (00:01.464)
Hello, welcome to the podcast. I'm DeDe Duncan-Probe. I'm the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Central New York, Canada to Pennsylvania, Utica to Elmira, and all the space in between. I'm joined by our Director of Communications, Adam Eichelberger, and I'm so glad to have this time to talk with you about this new year. So first, happy new year. We're beginning a new season.

a new cycle in our life, another circle around the sun, as they say. And this is that time of year when a lot of people have resolutions or talk about their intention for the year. These are the two weeks that people join gyms and actually go to them soon to quit, cut that out. And so I wonder for all of us, as we think about this new year to begin with intentionality.

In our Episcopal and especially mostly our Christian faith, resolutions aren't exactly how we live. We live more with intentionality, with piety, with disciplining our life to be like Jesus, to be forgiving ourselves and one another, to be living into loving one another, to be practicing what we preach as it were. Our baptismal covenant, which in this podcast, if you go back and listen to the first

number of podcasts are all about the baptismal covenant. We're never too far from that when we're speaking of our faith. What is it that makes us people of faith? What is it that is important to us? And how do our lives reflect that or exemplify what we say we believe? Often it is an easy thing to say one thing and do another. And that hypocrisy is kind of in us as human beings.

But the intentionality of our faith life is to be honest with ourselves. And sometimes that can be so hard because being honest with ourselves may mean saying the thing we don't want anyone to say, acknowledging that we've kind of blown it or recognizing that that practice we have really isn't helping our life or leading us to good places, but it's actually hindering our ability to live the life we want.

Bishop DeDe (02:19.724)
We make excuses. have all kinds of reasons for it. So in this new year, this is our, what a golfer would call a mulligan. This is our opportunity to have a do over and say, okay, this year, my intention is to do this, this, and this. I think it's really helpful to have, the list small and also keep the list in a way where there are markers for accomplishing these things. I'm going to pray more every day.

And so setting up time and organizing our lives so that we can pray some every day. I'm gonna read scripture more, okay? This is how I plan to do that. I'm gonna organize my life to read scripture more. It is important to always note that it's not like we, most of us have expendable time where when we say we're gonna pray or read scripture, five minutes or 30 minutes presents itself.

If we are going to change what we're doing, it means we have to actually, you know, change what we're doing. We have to organize differently. It means that habit we may have of scrolling through TikTok or Instagram or watching TV or listening to the radio. We may need to turn those things down and shift our focus. So right away, intentionality calls us to be willing to change something and then to do it repeatedly.

Adam Eichelberger (03:23.118)
Mm-hmm.

Bishop DeDe (03:47.092)
It has been understood that you need to do something for six to eight weeks for it to go from being a one time event to a habit to create a habit takes practice. takes rep rep a regular repetition and to just where it becomes something that's expected. At first, whenever we do anything that's new repeatedly, there'll be all kinds of things that come up and try to get in our way. and when, and namely probably ourselves.

where we're like, well, it won't matter today if I don't read the scripture, or it won't matter today if I just skip this once. But rather to say, you know, the most important thing I'm going to do today is to be in conversation with my God. You know, the most important thing I can do today is to organize my thoughts around scripture. You know, the most important thing in my life, what I really want my life to be about is this. And so that needs to be the first priority.

not the last. And then I think there we all have that part of us that wants to be put ourselves last. Maybe a false humility, maybe true humility, but we're very focused on, I've got to do this, this and this for my family or this, this and this for my job. And it's hard to prioritize and say, you know, before I do anything, I need to begin with the intentionality of my faith. I need to first put my faith or my beliefs.

ahead of those responsibilities. Like the oxygen mask on the plane, we put it on ourselves first, then we have the fuel and the ability to engage with those around us. Whenever we start a new year, I always think that forgiveness needs to be one of the first things we talk about. To look at the year that has been and forgive ourselves for the places where we look back and think, gosh, I wish I hadn't done that, or I wish I had done that, or.

Why didn't I do this or why this? To allow ourselves to look back with compassion and say, know, I did the best that I could with that year. And so I hold it before God and let it go. And this year I turn my attention to what's next with forgiveness and with a desire that this year will draw me closer to that true intention of my heart. For those of us who love Jesus and follow Jesus,

Bishop DeDe (06:12.684)
We know that all through the gospels, Jesus calls us to each day to renew our faith, that it's new every morning. We know that Jesus is calling us to love one another, to be forgiving, to be compassionate. And that means in order to do that for someone else, we may have to first do that for ourselves. We may have to be compassionate with ourselves. We may have to forgive ourselves. We may have to be truthful with ourselves.

And those are pretty tough things to do sometimes. So I wonder for you listener, as you think about the intentionality of your life and how you're beginning this year, the things you hope this year will hold for you, the things you're worried about this year holding for you and the things that you are just feeling a great deal of anxiety about. How might forgiveness, how might returning to those practices that root your faith in reality help you?

with that anxiety. I don't know, Adam, as you're listening to this and as we think about intentionality, what questions kind of are, what questions are on your heart about that?

Adam Eichelberger (07:23.286)
So the first thing that comes to my mind, Bishop, is as you talk about the importance of intentionality in the new year, you know, we get this chance to kind of start over. You know, we have this ability to take a look at what's been going on in the last year, where we want to go in the next year. And I like that you brought up that this isn't so much about resolutions like going to the gym or whatever. This comes down to like these big picture things that we're trying to get done with our lives and how we connect with our God.

Bishop DeDe (07:52.78)
Mm-hmm.

Adam Eichelberger (07:53.208)
So for me, get the question that is kind of resonating inside of me is when we make these commitments to be intentional with certain things on our faith, like you mentioned, time for prayer, reading scripture, whatever it is that's going to help us better connect with God, what are some things that we can do when we screw up? You you talked about the need for developing the habit and the need for being reasonable. But like when we let it fall by the wayside,

Bishop DeDe (08:06.03)
Mm-hmm.

Bishop DeDe (08:14.446)
Mm-hmm.

Adam Eichelberger (08:22.348)
And when we start beating ourselves up about it, what are some things that we can do to kind of help pick ourselves up when we find ourselves in that position?

Bishop DeDe (08:28.3)
Well, that is so such a great question. And I mean, what comes to my mind immediately is, know, Ted Lasso shout out to Ted Lasso, but, you know, to, you know, what's the happiest animal on earth, the goldfish. And why is that? Because their memory is a second long. And so, when we blow it, it isn't really helpful to beat ourselves up.

And I think often we have a hard time repenting of things or changing our minds or because we kind of want to prove to God that we didn't really mean to screw up or something. And I think we kind of think that God is surprised or something. Like we have to tell God we didn't do the right thing and God's going to be like, my gosh, you know. But to, to allow ourselves to let it go, that forgiveness of ourselves means that when we blow it, when, when we don't do it.

to take a deep breath and say, okay, I'll try again. And to just to have that memory of a goldfish, to let it go, to not hang on to it and nurture it, to not have it become part of our self-esteem, but rather to say, I still have the hope within me to do this. And God loves me and is calling me and I can trust myself in God that I'll keep trying. I'll just.

stand back up. And then to reach out to each other. I think we all need each other to find our best intentionality. I didn't mention reading scripture and prayer. Another way that we can bolster our faith is in conversation with one another, to have a prayer partner, a conversation partner, an accountability partner, to have someone that encourages us who isn't going to jump on the bandwagon and say, why didn't you do this? You said you would, but rather says,

Well, time to be goldfish. Let's go. We're going to do this now and I'll walk with you and, you've got this and, to have encouragement be a daily part of our lives where we may have something on the mirror or we find that when we're doing something, we tell ourselves, you're doing great with this. Good job here. We sometimes for some of us, it might be years in between when we say, I did well with that.

Adam Eichelberger (10:50.392)
Mm.

Bishop DeDe (10:50.85)
because we're so busy saying how horrible we are. And so to change those meta narratives within us to, okay, not the best, but you know, you're trying, good job, let's go. And then also I think gratitude. This is a time of year that some people will, their resolution is to keep a gratitude journal. I think that's fine, but the problem with resolutions is it's something outside yourself.

It's like I resolve that I'm going to go over there and do the thing rather than this is my heart's desire and I intend to do this. It's going to come from inside of me. And so I'm going to be grateful for the things I have. And when I find myself looking at others and being envious or being down on myself, I'm going to be grateful that I even feel bad that I blew it because at least I'm engaging with what I want my intentions to be.

Adam Eichelberger (11:41.336)
Mm-hmm.

Bishop DeDe (11:47.086)
And so I think having the same compassion and mercy for ourselves that we would have for someone else and then to rely on one another.

Adam Eichelberger (11:56.622)
That's, that's, those are all, I think, really great points for us to remember as we kind of step into intentionality in 2025. One of the things that helped has helped me before in the past, this isn't so much like a new year's resolution thing. And I probably should do it for this year for 2025, but I made a lock screen on my phone because for me, it's that thing that I can't escape. You know, my work is on my phone. My life is on my phone. So I need to be reminded of like, Hey, I need to make a time for prayer today.

Bishop DeDe (12:17.389)
Right.

huh.

Adam Eichelberger (12:25.494)
I have that note right on my lock screen. So it's not something I can dismiss like an alarm or a notification. Speaking of having my phone, I've got two questions that we had some friends of the podcast sign send us. So I'm going to read those. I'm going to ask you those Bishop. The first one is from someone named Jay and Jay wanted to ask this. It's interesting that we're talking about things like resolutions and intentionality because Jay said one of my goals.

Bishop DeDe (12:28.717)
Right.

Bishop DeDe (12:37.591)
Yay.

Adam Eichelberger (12:52.142)
for 2025 is I wanted to start going back to church. As a person who is a member of the LGBTQ plus community, I have had a hard time finding a place where I not only feel like I am welcome, but am celebrated. Do you have any tips? So Jay wants to know where they can find a good church in 2025. What do you have to say?

Bishop DeDe (13:03.053)
Mm-hmm.

Bishop DeDe (13:13.079)
Wow.

Bishop DeDe (13:17.006)
Well, you know, that is such an important essential question for all of us, and especially in these times with anyone who's feeling vulnerable. In the Diocese of Central New York, our Episcopal churches are welcoming spaces, most of them. Like any church, you kind of have to see if you vibe with their vibe and if it's set up the way that you are, you know, if they're kind of into the same things. But to find those churches that are affirming to do

you know, look at their websites, maybe have a phone conversation with the pastor or priest and say, look, here's my thing. You know, what, what, what can I expect in your parish and to look for those places that are unashamed and by, and, you know, they're out there. They're not like, you know, kind of, yeah, we'll, we'll welcome you if you come, but you actually are, you know, really seeking to be affirming and doing the work. so,

many of our Episcopal churches in the Diocese of Central New York have rainbow flags out front as an intentional statement of welcome. That when someone comes in, it's not just sort of passive acceptance or sort of acknowledging, but not with any real commitment, but that we're engaged in the work. And as a diocese, are proud and out loud. We have a group called the Proud Jesus People. So.

I think doing that homework a little bit to look for that and then to make sure that it vibes for you because just because a church is welcoming or affirming or empowering may not mean that it's the right fit for you. You may want a church that has a music program or a church that has a children's program for your children or you may want something else.

And so I would say to make sure that you, you know, look at their websites, maybe watch one of their services online. If they live stream it, reach out to the pastor or priest and have a conversation and then visit and trust your gut. If you walk in and you're like, these are very nice people. They're welcoming. They seem to be affirming, but not vibing.

Bishop DeDe (15:31.938)
then go to another church. But there nowadays are a lot of different churches of different denominations who are welcoming and affirming. And it's no longer you're included, but we want to empower you to become your best self in this community.

Adam Eichelberger (15:51.394)
That's great. The other question that I had is from a listener named Bridget. And again, what how providential that not only in our last episode, but in this one, we started talking about things like forgiveness and repentance. Bridget and I kind of have a little bit in common. Bridget was raised in the Roman Catholic Church and has a lot of experience when it comes to her faith life with things like confession or

Bishop DeDe (16:01.656)
you

Adam Eichelberger (16:20.974)
and she was wondering because she has gone to several Episcopal services, she was wondering, and this is maybe a little bit different for us, Bishop, but she was wondering, does the Episcopal Church do anything similar to that and why or why not? I know that's a big one, but this is kind of along her talking about wanting to do that in the new year. So I'm gonna turn it over to you.

Bishop DeDe (16:40.002)
yeah, it's a it's a great yes, definitely a great question. We do do that. We in our prayer book, we have something called reconciliation of a penitent. And that would be in the Roman Catholic Church would be confession. But we have we have a couple of liturgies that there's different choices for that. You can make an appointment with your priest or go in and just say to a priest, I'd like to, you know.

confess my sins and they are trained to do that. There are even some Episcopal churches and some Episcopal priests during certain times of the year, especially around Lent, will have days set aside for reconciliation of a penitent. We'll announce those times. Our churches don't tend to have confessionals, but usually there's a safe place with windows in the doors and church safety.

but where someone can sit down with a clergy person and go through the rite of reconciliation. And there's a place to confess the sin or the distance with God, to name it, and then prayers with the person. So it is absolutely something that we do. Also, our weekly liturgies, the main liturgies are incorporated inherently in it.

is an opportunity for repentance. And it's usually following on the prayers of the people, where it's, you know, now repent of our sins and there's absolution. And even if that isn't in the service, in the prayers of the people and in different places in the liturgy, in the Eucharistic prayer, there are places in each of the prayers that name our need to turn from sin and to return to God's ways. And so,

whether you're talking Sundays or making an appointment, it is very much a part of our tradition and something that we do.

Adam Eichelberger (18:41.326)
It's great. And that's, it's a good reminder for folks, whether you are a lifelong Episcopalian, if it's something that you're kind of new to, if you are not a follower of Jesus and you're just kind of one of our listeners, it's a good thing to hear. And so thank you, Jay and Bridget, if you're going to be listening this week for, for submitting those questions. Bishop, what do you have to close us out with for this week?

Bishop DeDe (18:45.102)
Mm-hmm.

Bishop DeDe (18:53.292)
Right.

Bishop DeDe (19:04.472)
Well, I encourage all of us, when we think about intentionality, not to suddenly think that we're intentionally gonna be taller, smarter, faster, stronger, but to stay within the reality of our lives. We may intend that this will be a financially beneficial year in our life, but to not set our sights on, by the end of this year, I'm gonna have won a million dollars. That when we talk about intentionality, we set,

goals, we set our sights on things that are attainable and doable. And then as we do those first steps, we can grow them. We don't have to do it all at once to be gentle with ourselves and recognize that right now this world is struggling, is suffering mightily. mean, as we speak today, this kind of timestamps this, but as we speak today, there's fires raging through Los Angeles and

And there's people suffering with wars. There are people suffering with poverty and despair. And so there's anxieties and all of these things. So maybe we start with the intentionality of compassion, of compassion for ourselves and our hurting world. To start out with a need to begin to be compassionate and to recognize that this is just hard.

So maybe our first intention needs to be to take quiet space to sit and breathe and practice just being without that anxiety being so crushing. Maybe the intentionality needs to be to listen to some good music and just allow our soul space to relax and to grow. It's a tough time. And so to be gentle with ourselves.

is probably a wonderful way to begin this year, to honor our own human dignity within us, that we need that space. And then maybe do something this year you've never done before. Doesn't have to be skydiving necessarily, but it could be cooking eggplant or pick your thing. But to try to do something new this year, to say, I've always wanted to try making, throwing a pot, so I'm gonna take a pottery class.

Bishop DeDe (21:27.936)
Or I've always wanted to try hiking, you know, in the woods. So I'm going to go do that. It can be something that is attainable, that lifts your spirits and lets you know that you're capable of doing hard things. And that as you intend this year to, to improve your life, to become more closely associated with the person you've always dreamed of being, that you have that ability. You have the ability to do hard things and to be compassionate and forgive yourself.

and thereby forgive one another. Next time listeners is that we talk, I wanna talk a little bit more about loving our neighbors as ourselves to sort of dive into that a little bit. It's something we say all the time. It's something people talk about being the golden rule is actually a commandment of Jesus. So I think it's a little bit elevated more than that, but to really talk about what does this mean in our lives as we're talking about intentionality to be intentional about love.

Is it a weakness? Is it a strength? I look forward to speaking with you soon. I hope that you'll talk with someone, take this podcast and have a conversation with someone about their intentions. And that as you think about the year to come, may you know that you are loved, that you are welcomed and that you're wanted and may you be blessed and be a blessing. We'll speak soon.